I’ve recently been training many new women in phone sex and have had two come back to me with comments about getting ‘too involved’ or having customer’s getting ‘too involved’ with them. This can cause a disconnect between being professional and earning money as a phone sex provider and wanting to keep that connection so that the customer calls you repeatedly. I hope this post will help those who actually take the time to learn/read from a NiteFlirt veteran of 15 yrs. If you need further assistance, please feel free to reach out using my contact form.
WHAT IS GASLIGHTING AND WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Phone Sex can be a difficult job.
We have to deal with men from all over with different personalities. Personality itself is a complex woven pattern of a human being and what makes each of us unique. There are probably more than %50 of the population dealing with some type and level of personality (disorder) or issue.
The five major types of personality traits are:
- Conscientiousness (spontaneous to conscientious)
- Agreeableness (hostile to agreeable)
- Neuroticism (stable to neurotic)
- Openness (closed to open)
- Extroversion (introverted to extroverted)
Which one do you fit?
You can get into deeper and a more profound understanding of personality, but let’s start with the types of men who call phone sex and use that fiduciary (money exchange) relationship to manipulate. These types of men range from severely abusive such as AMister, a profoundly insecure narcissist, to your basic bully and sometimes, not often, even violent criminals.
I recently saw a flirt advertising for ‘an emotional connection’ with her callers. Her thumbnail was a woman’s eye with smeared mascara from crying. For most of us, we aren’t setting ourselves up to be abused nor are we asking strangers on an adult internet site to ‘stalk us’ provide us emotional support or to be friends. Most of us in phone sex are looking for customers who are enjoyable and creative and who make us money.
But there are men who use the system to abuse women, some not only do it purposely-but others are so messed up that they don’t even realize they are being abusive. This guy, more than likely, finds his whole life is messed up including all of his personal relationships; but a narcissist thinks it’s ‘everyone else’ not him. Ever known anyone like that?
OH, and make no mistake, GASLIGHTERS EXIST ON OUR END OF THE PHONE AS WELL, AND WOMEN CAN BE NARCISSISTS, COVERTLY OR OVERTLY and abusive too.
As I do all of my marketing hits, I follow-up. It’s just good business. Not long ago, a flirt clicked on one of my buttons, so as I always do, I replied with…whoops! You’ve been blocked! HUH?
In mind, I was confused. No bad interaction, no bad feelings before she clicked on my training/design buttons. So, I used another account, as I’d already had to write the flirt in question due to a seriously angry post made by her customer on another website I run.
Come to think of it, if she gets under the skin of a paying customer, THAT BADLY-it should have been a big red flag!
So, I write, “hey, you clicked on my button and then blocked me? Why is that? Is there something you wanted?
The response I received was from a gas lighter.
” Because I knew something like this would happen, you would block, evade and use subterfuge ergo, I blocked. HUH?
Did you catch that?
THAT IS GASLIGHTING! She accused me of doing what she had DONE.
These people don’t even know they are doing it. If you aren’t aware of the signs of a narcissist and gas lighter’s attempts, you can believe you are going crazy, but you know you’re not! That’s crazy!
If you find yourself defending yourself in a conversation with one of your customers, remember that HE CALLED YOU. He is looking for a victim, you were looking for a customer. Here’s the best way to avoid being manipulated, used or abused by gaslighters, narcissists, and those with difficult personalities.
- Never share personal information such as past relationships, hurts or mistakes. These will ALWAYS be used against you by the narcissist. They will be used to ‘get to you’ by the bully.
- Never allow the customer to share too much detail about himself in the same way. Most people will ‘refer’ to old relationships in a phone sex scenario for cuckolding, D/s and BDSM calls. Anyone who brings up detailed ‘he said/she said’ conflict is more than likely dealing with a fixation and personality or mental health issue. Just change the subject in a subtle manner.
Never allow customers to hear your OUTRAGE or anger or frustration with them. The narcissist feeds off of this! Stay calm, focused and even keeled. Just ‘uh huh’ or Oh? That’s cool. Nothing more, because they can’t be ‘on top’ or center of attention if you DON’T CARE.
I hope the FIRST THING YOU DO is advertise appropriately for the service you want to sell. If you find yourself getting too many weirdos, it’s more than likely, your NITEFLIRT LISTING. I can help with that.
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